I'm Back!

Yeah, I know....don't pass out that I'm back soo soon. My heart is heavy and I can't sleep. In order to share what I'm about to, I need to back up a bit. As everyone knows, earlier this year we decided as a family to send Ms. Madison to the new charter school. Public school has never been an option for me, and as my life got busier, we were all about to pull our hair out. I prayed about it and off she went.

School was exciting at first and things went okay for her...but she did (and does) get tired in the afternoons and cranky. This has been a big transition for all of us, as you can imagine. I then started college myself in September (lovin' it by the way) and for my first class, I had to write a persuasive essay. I chose home schooling. Every night, I lay in bed wondering what in the world I had been thinking to ever send her to school in the first place. Then, as it always does, things got really busy for me work wise. At the encouragement of a dear friend, I laid it aside to think of it no more, realizing God was in control....He does things for a reason and things would be fine.

As I put my mind at ease about all this, Ms. Madison suddenly decides school is awful and doesn't want to go. She called me today at 10:00. She had told the teacher she wanted to be home with her mother...she was done for the day. The teacher was in shock of course, but allowed her to call me. My intention was to talk to her and leave her there. When I got to the school, she was pretty much checked out and in the office waiting for me.

The teacher called later to tell me that Madison is really bothered and this is a make or break it time for her. She asked for suggestions. I told her I had none and was simply praying for direction. I prayed all day that God was just show me the way. Make it clear. That's all I could ask for. He does it for me time and again. Marlon and I finally found a moment to talk this afternoon. His response was "It's time for her to stay home." There was no longer any question for him.

That was part of my difficulty all the way through home schooling. He thought she should be in school, but allowed me to make the decision. He was supportive but not always encouraging. This evening, he tells me it's the best thing possible and he will be more involved from this point out. He told me if I was up for it, she didn't need to go back....

My dear friend that I always call when I need prayer suggested that we give her until Christmas break. That was a stopping point...and I would not be teaching her that we just quit something whenever we feel like it. As I lie in bed, I'm still thinking through this. We asked her to write down pros and cons....Ms. Madison that is....she cried and battled with it, but tonight, she told her daddy that she was ready to be home. She couldn't bear the thought of going back.

We live and learn. I know that for some reason God allowed all of this to happen. Perhaps it was for Marlon to be involved more. Perhaps it was for Madison to see what she wasn't missing. Or maybe for me to rearrange my priorities and remember why I started this venture in the first place. As I write this, I keep having the thought....they are only young once. Time passes quickly and we only have one chance to make impressions on our children....we can't go back when they are adults and try to fix what we realize we messed up.

I know home schooling is the best option for us. I just need prayer and guidance. I need to remember daily that life is suppose to be busy, and my child comes first no matter what...somehow, I've forgotten that along the way....it's awful to admit.

To all those moms who do it and never doubt it, kudos to you! You are several steps ahead of me. To those of you who send your children to school and cover them in prayer, I commend you as well. It's an amazing journey. I want to do my part in my daughter's life to make it the best journey....Pray for me as I prioritize my schedule....yet again!

Okay, I feel better already.